Thursday, April 18, 2013

Game of Thrones recap: Season 3 Ep 3


J: So unless khaleesi intends to give the misogynist guy a dragon and then immediately kill him with his army that she just bought and take back her dragon she's an IDIOT
R: I just assumed the dragon would fly back to her
J: Huh. So logical.
J: I bet you're right
R: And c'mon. Learn some other languages. I kept waiting for her to bust out some Astaporian
R: Put that weird David Blaine guy in his place
J: Yeah! It made me really wonder what my pedicurist is saying about me

The way to get your dragon back is to whisper it to a moth

J: I'm sorry I failed your visit to Toronto by not baking you a loaf of brown bread shaped like a wolf
R: His name is HOT PIE
R: How lazy can you get George R.R. Martin
R: I guess "Piggy" was already taken
J: OMG is it really!? I kept giggling to myself thinking I must be mishearing
R: I kept waiting for Tyrion to just stand on the table as the final positioning play
R: Sit on Tywin's lap
R: Can we discuss Catelyn stark's monologue
R: Also known as ‘elderly parents dying of natural causes’
R: When a WAR is going on
J: SERIOUSLY
R: Your husband died. Your FOUR youngest children are missing
J: Stop making me feel bad for you abandoning your children
J: And hating one of them
R: Do you think after that guy kept missing the floating body with arrows they rethought the whole tradition?
R: "Ok First light it, Then push it away"
J: That was awkward for all of them
R: I wish he was forced to doggie paddle out with the flaming arrow between his teeth
J: It tips over
J: They also ripped that off of Boromir
R: Um also was that Rob Thomas who freed and rescued Theon?
J: That whole butt rape scene was uncomfortable
R: Although I wish he had gotten raped
R: So the criminal minds team could solve it
J: And his bum looked flabby
R: I think all men's bums look gross. Unless you're the rock
R: Capital R. Rock
J: Christopher Meloni guest star
R: Crossover for May sweeps
Theon won't have to be Lonely no more
J: Can we discuss Jamie Lannister and how dumb you have to be to think your captors are setting you a place at a table?
R: He's a mimbo
R: I did really like that Jamie saved Brienne
R: A hand for her virginity. Good trade.
J: I did like that
R: Let's be honest. That virginity is saved for life now
J: He's not so bad
J: Oh for sure
J: Plus she'll totally escape
R: Carry him. And the hand. Stop for ice
R: Because "lady Catelyn told me to deliver him to king's landing"
J: She'll run to Catelyn only to realize she's a moron
J: Brienne for the iron throne!
J: I totally forgot that the dude with Arya is the actual heir to the throne
J: And How hilarious was the scene with Pedro (or whatever Tyrions assistant’s name is) and the lovely ladies?
J: The one that opened the curtains with the splits?
J: I immediately tried to imitate it
R: Pod!
R: Her span: 180 degrees
R: Yours. 10
J: -5
J: I was cross legged

Her

J

R: Pod totally JIMPed. Started to cry and they gave him his money back
J: For sure he did
J: They sat and talked about fashion and politics
J: Foot massages
J: Hair brushing
J: Also - pod - you're an idiot. Keep they money. He'll never know. It's like when my mom asks me to buy her a coffee. I always keep the change
R: Tyrion would know though, he's now the treasurer or whatever its called
R: Financial advisor?
R: Bank?
J: I think it was like 'keeper of the dollars' Or something like that
R: Master of coin?
R: That's great for a guy addicted to prostitutes.
R: I loved his big reveal "you know how Little Finger made money appear? He BORROWED IT.. (dramatic pause)"
R: Oh he didn't make it? Smelt new gold?
J: That's how we all make new money
J: And sadly I can't just burn down RBC or overthrow their CEO, I have to actually pay them back
R: Or trade a dragon for 8000 slave warrioirs
J: Rookie move khaleesi. First time dragon owner
R: "Previously owned, lady ridden, low mileage"

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