Thursday, May 02, 2013

Game of Thrones: Season 3, Ep 5


R: I watched!!!
R: I found it pretty annoying.
R: Jon snow is the worst. What do people see in him?
J: Ygritte is super annoying too! Why is he always 'Jon snow' and never just 'Jon'
R: Oh great, there's snow and devastation everywhere. But here's an abandoned natural hot springs we can wash in!
R: The only thing I'm into is the Jamie and Brienne love story
R: Although I totally tuned out during his speech
R: Instead was wondering how Brienne achieved that natural glow
R: Flawless
J: Brienne has the best skin ever
J: From her unintentional 25 year mud wrap?
J: (Aka not bathing)

R: Also. Who has them? The same person as who has Theon?
J: Zero clue
R: Is some rich slave owner just buying up the prisoners to form a Gladiator ring?
J: I assume they're going to die
J: Fight club
R: "Take these prisoners to the Turkish baths!"
R: "I don't want my lions eating dirty slaves"
R: “Also put some mineral makeup on that one.”
J: His speech was actually good! Humanizing
J: I was distracted by the steaming water
J: Know what would revive Kingslayer? A cold plunge
R: What was going on with Richard Burton and Liz Taylor in the tub when she stood up?
R: Naked
R: I couldn't hear?
J: I think he insulted her womanliness
J: She showed him her boobies and unmentionables to shut him up
R: Then he played the old ‘Kingslayer’ card for sympathy sex
R: After he checked out the goods
R: Who is that guy who brings people back from the dead
R: Because I feel like it's Jim Henson
J: They're not really dead, he just takes his hand out of them?


J: I hate to say it but Arya is annoying me
J: Everything she says she says accusingly
J: It's like my mom
R: Slash Gavroche
R: "LIAR!"
R: Also people who were sort of cool and now are not
R: Tyrion
R: Where's his wingman Bronn?
R: And the John Lithgow accent is really grating
J: "Which do you prefer, Sansa; A gay dude or a dwarf?"
R: She’d be like "Joffrey"
J: Ugh, die already
R: "Can I use a lifeline? And call my friend the Hound"
J: Maybe Littlefinger is her best choice
R: Ya so does Littlefinger love her? Or just kidnap?
J: I think if he marries her he secures he north
J: Pathway to royalty
R: But isn't Catelyn his true love?
J: Oh right. Well, I feel like this show is cool with kinky mother/daughter stuff
J: I have a sinking suspicion she's gonna find a dragon and accidentally become the queen if Westeros
R: Dragons won't obey her!
R: She could maybe join up with the Fire people/gingers
R: I love how Cersei is in love with her brother but draws the line at marrying a gay guy
R: Also don't they have like 4 kids together?
R: Toeing the line honey
J: Joffrey is one of them
R: Tywin really puts the Ty in Tyrant
R: Also the rant in tyrant.
J: What was the untested guys slave name? I remember thinking it was dumb
R: Grey worm
R: The wargs leave him alone
R: All those bottom dwellers
J: Because his vision is crap
J: 'Dirt-warger'
R: Geordi Laforge vision?

J: Can I bring up that it's totally unfair that I've seen countless boobs and lady bits, but the only male nudity I get takes place during a gay scene?
R: Ya! Show me Pod!
J: Seriously!
J: Maybe he has two penises
J: And that's why it was free?
J: It'll be the big final episode reveal
J: It's a thing. I googled it. Diphallia
J: Did not image search.
R: Stannis? Do we care?
J: Worst father ever ?
R: Hey Stannis. Maybe you didn't take the throne because your dungeon is pregnable by a child
R: And did you see those Feti (actual feti)
R: It is the matrix
J: WHAT THE F WAS HAPPENING with the Feti???!
J: Soooooo unnecessary

Human Farm is the new strategy to take the throne
J: Also maybe STOP GETTING PREGNANT
J: Something is not working there
R: I don't really think birth control exists yet
R: Unless its putting up a bunch of jars of your dead babies in your bedroom
J: Or maybe donate them to whatever is taking them in the woods behind that one guys place
R: That seems to be quite far away. Maybe a long commute. Also it's beyond the wall
J: By crow
R: Shoot it on a flaming arrow
J: Poor bastard with no aim

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