Monday, April 14, 2014

Game of Thrones: Season 4, Episode 2

R: Do we start with the obvious
R: Or in chronological order
J: Ummmmmmm chronological
R: That hunt was revolting
J: I've seen it on CSI Miami and Las Vegas, the whole humans hunting humans bit
R: That's true. Also on the hunger games 
J: Theon was revolting
R: I know, like run the other way. Just kill yourself. What are you waiting for?
J: I couldn't remember if they'd chopped off his wiener until the helpful scene change to Pod serving a humongous boar sausage
R: Pod had a strong showing once again
R: Are all bastards just given the last name Snow?
J: I guess? Are they brothers?
R: No, I really don't think so.
J: This is basically Days of our Lives with murder and boobs J: I enjoyed the Dire wolf POVJ: Until we killed the deer
R: Bran is so annoying to me now
J: Also he's like 24 now
J: This is because they take a lifetime off between seasons
R: You mean when the Predator kill that deer?R: I feel like warg-ing is just slang for doing crazy drugs
R: Did he Warg through an Ent?

J: Featuring the chick from The Ring movies

R: I'm glad he knows where they need to go... (To the capital to meet my dealer)
J: Same flashback as Danerys from Season 2? In that room with the annoying guy
J: I feel like the warg was to Helms deep
R: Not really sure why Jamie tried to pick up the wine with his metal fake hand
R: Just. Use. Your. Left. One.
R: Move the cup slightly
J: In his defense it looks huge
J: Like Dave Grohls hand in that music video
J: Ever long
R: But he had a full other hand!
R: I will google that
R: And then laugh appropriately

R: When they burned those people at the stake
R: And the crazy lady asked Stannis if he saw the lord take their souls
R: I feel like he was like me with magic eye puzzles
R: Totally didn't see it
J: That's his wife!
J: The one with the pickled babies
J: He didn't see it because he's not insane
J: I feel like that dinner would be awkward
J: "The meat’s off" - everyone keeps eating
R: It’s like 100 BC
R: The meat is always off
R: That's just how it’s prepared
J: Just eat some of the bbq'd humans the red queen cooked up on the beach
R: That's fresh
J: Everyone's doing it
J: Well, the Romulans anyway
R: J recommends the legs
J: Most bang for your buck!
R: Do you think Shea actually left?
J: No, I don't
J: She's so annoying I want them to hang her
R: Me too
R: PS Shea: Woman's Lib doesn't exist yet
R: There is a clear class system
R: You are at the bottom
\J: When he called you a whore, he was literally stating fact
R: You might have noticed. By the same dress you wear daily.
J: And the EGOTing
J: Aaaahahahahahahaa as that should say whoring
J: Weird autocorrect!
R: I was confused
R: She could have sang in the wedding
J: Tap danced
R: Or played that accordion with the tool I usually use to stoke a fire
R: Sir Loras' gaydar is very high
R: Mine: not so high: Brienne is not gay??
R: Also this week's uniform was via the Roots' Star Trek Enterprise series

J: I totally thought she was hot for lady Catelyn!
J: Also, I had an epiphany on where I know Oberlan's wife (?) from
J: It was a terrible tv series called human target
R: I know her from somewhere too
R: And now I figured it out
R: Hunted. BBC series
R: So. Did granny poison him or what
J: I think it was CerseiR: No! Really?
J: The wine he poured was in front of Cersei!
J: Like, the flagon was
J: Or whatever they call it back then
R: Sidenote. A bunch of doves died in that pie right?

R: Was it like that nursery rhyme? Four and twenty blackbirds?
J: Oh it totally was
J: That pie was so gross!!!
J: And then they ate it!
J: That would have been my immediate thought as to why he died
R: I don't think it was Cersei because that guy who came up to Sansa after and said "come with me if you want to live"
R: Or some variation. Cersei doesn’t want her to live.
J: The would-be rapist
R: I think it was a Tyrell
R: The granny kept telling Sansa to come to Highgarden
R: So Margaery became queen and now he's out of the way
J: That's why it pays to accept gifts from drunk strangers who are following you, they might save your life
R: Was that him?
J: Is she still queen though? I feel like she goes back to being lady
R: So former queen regent is queen again?
J: I think so
J: Motive for Cersei
R: There was a nice Pippen's song
J: Every time the Rains of Castamere plays it's bad news
J: It played at the red wedding
R: You're so observant
J: It's what the band played when Catelyn pulled up Roose's sleeve 
Editor’s note: J could totally cream S at olden times name that tune 
R: So what's Oberion's move now?
J: Find that contortionist and set up a four-way with Loras
R: Also they kept showing Varys
R: Nothing to do with it? Just his stank face?
J: He's always got his hands dirty
J: Where is Littlefinger? I miss him
R: Mourning Catelyn?
J: I'm not looking forward to more scenes with the new Snow
J: I don't like his sociopath-ness
R: Yah like blah blah blah Theon's going for find a chance to kill you
J: I can't wait
R: Where IS bran going though?
R: I thought it was to find Jon Snow?
R: Didn't they find him?
J: It looked like the suburbs
J: Seriously
J: Like the scene of housing they show in the Warner bros logo

J: The bats from batman’s cave are also present
J: Batman begins
R: I just assume I've been brainwashed after watching that clip
J: Batman apparently began 100 BC during game of thrones
R: And are the white walkers just not a threat anymore
J: Have they even had screen time since season 1 finale
R: Yes! All last season!
R: Weren't they?
J: Oohhhhh right
R: Wasn't that the whole point
J: Yes
J: Chasing he fat hobbit
J: Duh
J: Red wedding is like an eclipse
J: In closing, I'm happy Joffrey is dead, though I'd rather he had to suffer, powerless, for a while
R: I know what you mean
R: I thought it might be more violent
R: But it was an undignified way to die
R: So I get it
J: Beggars can't be choosers
J: Not shown: he for sure pooped himself
R: He gurgled up a few dove feathers
J: Or a live dove
R: It was the avian bird flu
R: First known case
J: Oh! One last note: I liked when Cersei told off that dirty old man
J: "You're annoying me, now go away" I'm going jot down the script and start using those lines on everyone at work
R: When she said “take all this food and feed it to the hounds”, she literally meant The Hound
R: 300 chicken carcasses
J: He could take 'em 

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