Tuesday, April 22, 2014

Game of Thrones: Season 4, Episode 3

J: ‎This was my face the entire INCEST RAPE scene


J: I went from being like "I want stones with eyes on them bored during Tywin's essay to "ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwww too far"

R: Um ya it was awful and then I thought Joffrey's body was going to fall on them!
R: I'm scared that they're making Jamie gross so that we're ok when he dies imminently
R: (Either by the hand of John Grisham's first attorney character, Pod or Braun defending Tyrion. Or Brienne in a jealous non gay rage)

J: Braun with the sword by the beach!
J: I don't know if he can come back from this
R: I was not ok with those stones. By the way
J: The ick stayed with me for the whole episode
J: I was freaked out!

J: Then I thought how funny to scatter stones with eyes on them all over
R: Also. Cersei. Joffrey was what 16. So you've been doing that for many many years. Sudden morality attack?
J: On the beach, on the subway, in a church
J: Right? He is literally the fruit of your sins

R: Opening scene: Sansa sure has a lot of energy for someone on a hunger strike
J: Has Littlefinger just been waiting in the boat just outside the harbour?
R: Not really sure how secure king's landing is
R: Tywin says “Bar the gates”... But don't monitor the waterways. Literally there was a road and some steps right to the boat.

J: Honestly! They literally strolled out to waiting boat and rowed to a huge ship that is sort of obscured by mist
R: To be fair. Littlefinger was hiding in some dense fog
J: I was okay with him killing the drunk fool
J: "Money buys you silence for a time, an arrow to the throat, forever" genius
R: Aw I felt bad
R: I literally screamed when I saw Littlefinger. Of course!
R: So him and Varys?

R: Or him and the Tyrells's? and Varys?
J: I think him and lady Olenna!
J: Based on her convo with Margaery "better than being married to him"
R: Gotcha
R: I was wondering why they introduced that blonde brother last episode
R: So much air time
R: So what does Littlefinger get out of this?
R: Just revenge for Lady Catelyn?

J: Maybe he gets to marry Sansa? Kinda like a Catelyn mini-me? Next best thing?
R: Oh right. But he could have just kidnapped her.
J: Also, is Tommen for real the king now?
R: I guess so. But obviously Tywin really is
J: Did they learn nothing from Joffrey of what happens when you give power to a child? (See also: Justin Bieber)
R: That's why Tywin gave the whole speech about knowing who to surround yourself with and knowing what you don't know
R: Aka: gramps

R: You were too busy plotting your eyeball stone plan
J: I tuned out completely during that
R: Fyi I imagine once I birth my child I will drink my first glass of wine like the Hound eats rabbit stew
R: Do the hound and Stannis' daughter just have the same makeup artist? "The mystique?"

J: Where are they anyway?





R: I tuned out during the whole Sannis part too. Yawn
J: I'm so sick of that storyline
J: He just sits in his cave and kvetches
J: If you’re so effing unhappy, make a move
J: Make your own happiness, Stannis
R: I assume that's a jewish word for complain?
J: Oh Christ, I'm turning
J: Yes. It sure is
R: Ya so a young woman at castle black around a bunch of men who took the pledge... Law and Order SVU episode waiting to happen?
R: But not so sure she's better off with the Master of the House

J: And the fat hobbit is playing Mariska hargitay
J: Seriously. TSN turning point is when he dumped her at the Orphanage
J: I like that Jon Snow grew some balls
J: "They think we have 5000 men, we'll have to kill all of them"
R: Ya when was Jon Snow going to tell them that he lied about having 1000 men
J: That might have been more relevant than "I lay with a woman"
R: That scene really disturbed me
R: With the pillaging

J: The “I'm going to eat your parents”?
R: The kid’s like I'll hide under a full size wagon!
R: With no sides

J: And not look behind me, because bad things always approach from the front
J: So I was watching the mentalist, and noticed that Pike is also Lord Oberon
R: Ummmmmmm. What.
J: Ya!
R: I'm sorry. a new episode? Recurring character? Or old
J: ‎

R: Omg
R: They sure ethnic'd him up for GOT. He's white!
R: Makeup artist on overtime. "Give him the Aladdin"

J: 

J: The "reverse Michael Jackson"!
J: So Oberon studied poisons at the citadel. We both know that means he tutored under Snape at Hogwarts, right?
R: Is Tyrion going to die?
R: He's such a sad sack

J:  I don't know....I think he just might make king
J: Maybe strategically marries Danerys?
J: Who, by the way, needs to stop collecting slaves and get the f*ck to Westeros because the time to strike is when a newly minted 7 year old is king
R: Um ya. Also. These people are free? They are not free!! I feel like I'm taking crazy pills
R: They still do everything you say
R: When you say it
R: When that guy rode out and said she needed to send a champion to fight
R: Can't her champion just be a dragon?

J: Right?!?
J: This is why you have dragons
J: It's the ultimate pitch hitter
R: Literally just free everyone. And use your dragons
R: You'll travel quicker. Incur less expenses
R: Like building elaborate catapults to trick other slaves into become your own
J: Did she bombard the city with chokers from Claire's: jeweller to the stars (and slaves!)
R: Ya I was like is this an S&M colony? With bright colours
J: She totally stole that move from the orcs
J: A rave S&M colony
J: I feel like slaves are hungry and weak and would make poor soldiers
J: If I was freed from slavery I would just kick back and relax. I would not join a bunch of other slaves and march across multiple kingdoms to a likely death
R: No kidding "oh you're all going to king's landing for war? good luck! Write me a postcard!"
R: I'll just do some looting and live in a castle since everyone is gone

J: "And I'll just use this handy choker you threw over the walls at me to enslave my former master"
R: Also thanks for all these slave necklaces that I'm going to sell on ebay for a huge markup

Delighted to be the highest bidder on one billion slave cuffs
J: The music was very alarmist this episode
J: Very loud and bangy
J: A one hour drum solo
R: Stomp the yard
J: Soundtrack provided by that busker that plays paint cans outside of the pacific center
J: In closing: I believe the point of this episode was to remind us that the people we kinda liked are all assholes. Jamie. Hound (he killed that nice man!) Ygritte. Sam. Jamie.
R: And secondary message brought to you by LGBTQ
R: (We get it Oberon. You like men and women)

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